Breaking Up Isn't Always Hard to Do

Dear 2011,

I must say, I won't be sorry to see you go.  You and I didn't get along very well this year, and I'm looking forward to meeting 2012 without looking back.  Quite frankly, I have a few things I would like to thank you for, but I would ultimately like to say: You suck.  We aren't friends, and I'm breaking up with you effective 12/31/2011 at 11:59 p.m.  Your negative qualities have far outweighed your good qualities.  Allow me to explain and provide you links of evidence.

You started off on the wrong foot with me.  By January 4th, I was back in the hospital for a second heart surgery that I very easily could have gone without. Let's just say I was less than pleased that you wanted to toy with my heart (no pun intended) on the future of my baby boy.

By February, we were in a battle that I couldn't return to work, but Short Term Disability didn't seem to find my condition severe enough to want to pay out.  Thankfully, after much stress and worry, you managed to work that one out for us.  I'm not sure what we would have done all those months that I was completely unable to work without it.  However, what was the point of making me stress and worry so much?  I definitely spent a lot of time remembering that I needed to put faith and trust where it belonged, but I didn't appreciate all the trials.  Mentally, physically, and emotionally-I struggled deeply.

You decided to be a little nice to me in March and give me a somewhat positive medical report, but not quite positive enough.  By now, I was completely fired from my job, started a battle with the Human Rights Commission regarding some of the events that occurred prior to my termination.  Those events really left me discouraged with the amount of integrity left in this world.  This wasn't a fun time at all.  Months later, you decided to still toy with me during a battle of unemployment with this employer, and somehow I managed to get screwed.  Thanks 2011, you just seemed to get better and better.

Spring was a little uplifting, and I'm not quite sure we would have made it through the duration of our relationship had you not provided me with some positive lights.  So thank you.  You gave me (and my husband!) an opportunity to evaluate my marriage and speak out on marriage on behalf of Lyryn's project, and allowed me to celebrate my second wedding anniversary with the greatest man ever.  We celebrated our sweet niece's third birthday in style, and shortly after were blessed to capture our difficult pregnancy on camera.

We somehow, by the grace of God (and no thanks to you, 2011), reached "full term" during my pregnancy with a healthy baby.  I am still amazed that we reached that point, and am so thrilled that we were able to let sweet Ethan "cook" for a full 41 weeks and 5 days! 2011, this was certainly your greatest attribute.  Actually, I find the moment of Ethan's birth the ONLY good quality you have.  You will forever be remembered as a complete pain in my ass, but fondly remembered because you were the year that made me a mother.  I couldn't ask for a sweeter or more loving baby boy, and I will forever be grateful to you for that moment.  You also allowed my marriage to grow stronger by continuing to "date" one another even with children.

There were so many people that wanted to meet Ethan right away, and we were blessed with lots of visitors in the hospital.  We were also given the opportunities to visit with lots of people upon bringing Ethan home, and some of those moments I could do with out.  2011, as if you weren't already a big enough of an irritation, you had to allow the struggle of several that wanted to force relationships upon us and Ethan.  People that refuse to do the work of a true relationship, but present to the world a fantasy of "closeness" that doesn't exist.  Thanks for annoying us with that.

I turned 25 this year, and thanks to my family and greatest friends, we had a really good celebration.  It certainly was no thanks to you.  In case you can't tell, there is very little that I am giving you credit for.  I'm grateful that I was able to see 25, and even more grateful that I had Ethan here to spend it with.  So thanks again, for being the year I got to keep my baby boy.

By November, I had absolutely had enough.  I've been over you for a while, but November was it.  I think you knew I was done, because you started to brown nose in a big way.  First of all, you gave us a perfect report at the cardiologist, and you allowed us some very bittersweet good-byes.  I will never forget those people that you allowed us to meet this year, for they truly saved my entire family.  It was such a relief to have that moment.  I think you knew I was ready for a break-up, and allowed me to have the closure I've been so desperately searching for.

Closure brings upon a lot of reflection, and reminds us of the scars from the ugly parts we came from.  Thank goodness for the closure, even if the moving forward part isn't 100% ideal.  I've moved on, and started a new job.  While you did allow me to find a job with an excellent boss that was flexible with the pay we needed, I'm still pretty pissed at you that I don't get to roll into 2012 as a stay at home mom.  You better hope it gets easier, or I'm coming back for you.  You better hide.  Consider this your warning.

You have given me so many reasons to hate you this year.  You have given me so many reasons to be happy to move on to 2012 and never look back.  However, I know that I will look back.  I'll remember that you were the year that kicked me in the ass, and now I'm paying you back with a swift kick in yours with this letter.  I'll also remember that you were the year that gave me a family, and for that, I could never turn my back on you completely.  You've put me through a lot of crap this year, enough to make me want to lose my mind.  I hope you realize now though, no matter what you were going to throw my way, I'll always believe.  You may think that you defeated me, but I can assure you that you haven't.

I'm walking toward 2012 believing that it has to be better than you.  You see 2011, it's not me, it's you. I've met something else, and I'd rather pursue that than continue to waste my time with you. I think it's best we make this a clean break.  No "I'll see you arounds" or "Until next times."  I think it's best we just leave this as it is.  I'll take my husband and baby boy, you keep the rest-no need to review any documents.  Good-bye 2011.  Thanks for the memories.

Paige

Wow 6 Months!

Hi Stinky!

Today you are 6 months old! I cannot believe that we are already in the downward slope to your very first birthday.  You are getting so big so quickly, and I wish time would stop for a little while so we can enjoy you being a baby for just a little while longer.  I'm not ready for you to grow up just yet.  You are growing so quickly! You are still in size 1-2 diapers, wearing 3-6 month clothing, and weigh around 16 pounds. We will know for sure your measurements next week when we take a 6 month visit to your pediatrician.  Your first tooth has ALMOST broken through the gums completely, and I know you will be so much happier when it does.  It's caused you quite a bit of grief lately, but you still manage to fuss with a smile on your face.  You have such a positive attitude.

This month, you've been experiencing a lot of new things, mostly Christmas related.  

You met Santa...

You watched "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" and laughed through the entire thing.

 You are sitting up unassisted with hardly any topples.  You are doing so well with regaining your balance and moving around while sitting!

 You experienced a lot of COLD and dressed up as a snowman! 

 You have discovered your waterfall soother and have begun to try to make it work on your own.  We failed you on this attempt since the batteries had died.  Hopefully next time you attempt to play with it, it will work properly.

 You are working on your poses to be a future GQ model.

 You got the sweetest gift from Daddy's godparents and LOVE it.  You play with your hand carved, hand painted Noah's Ark all the time.

And while you aren't crawling JUST yet, you have the feet motions down! It's a shame those silly arms aren't doing what you want them too yet! You still know that creeping will get you there faster, so you give up on crawling quickly when you really want something.

You celebrated your first Christmas! You were VERY spoiled by everyone with so many new clothes, books and toys!

 You love your Granny so much.  Thank goodness she will be who you stay with when Mommy goes back to work for a few hours.

 You also played with Granny's new singing flamingo that Aunt Angie sent.  You have such a funny "What the hell?!" type look.  That silly toy got that look a lot.

 You love your solid foods.  There's very little that you have refused and haven't liked.

 You waited up for Santa...

And he was VERY good to you.  Someone must have told him how wonderful you are, and it hasn't gone unnoticed. 

 You love your new rocking horse, and laugh and grin every time we play with it.

 Your FAVORITE toy was the basketball goal Santa brought you.  I think it's because it cheers for you.

 You are still BFF with Fenway.

 You LOVED Christmas paper and bows! I think it was more impressive than any toys.

 You are still such a Momma's boy.  You gave me the honor of giving me your very first kiss, and your very first hug this month.  I love asking you for hugs, and you respond. You are such a loving, sweet little boy and have completely stolen my heart. 

I'm so proud of you and the things you have already accomplished and learned.  You are such a smart baby, and I know how quickly your toddlerhood is approaching us.  Just do me a favor: always be as loving as you are right now to everyone you encounter.  Your sweet gestures of love have made the days of so many people, and don't ever lose that.

I love you,
Mommy

This House Believes

Our home believes in Christmas, and the magic of Christmas.  Our home doesn't believe in forcing our faith in God upon you, but we are willing to share it if you will allow us.  Our home believes in God throughout the year, not just at Christmas.  I promise this isn't going to get all preachy preachy on you, so just hang with me for a paragraph or two.  Feel free to disagree with me and discuss your own beliefs in the comment section or in a private e-mail, but I ask that you please be respectful to all those involved in the conversation.

Our views on Christmas are a bit unorthodox for most Christian homes. While we do believe in the story of the birth of Christ, we do not believe in celebrating the birth of Christ on December 25.  Our belief is that we are to focus on the life and death of Jesus Christ every day, and observe communion every week in remembrance.  We believe in not designating one single day for the birth, life, and death of Jesus, but rather believe that these events should be in our hearts every day, and remember them each time we attend a worship service (for us is usually just Sunday morning).

However, while our views on Christmas are a bit different, we celebrate Christmas anyway.  Why? Because we do encourage any opportunity for the topic of our Christian beliefs to be discussed and focused on.  We always encourage and feel excited anytime there is opportunity to discuss our faith and our beliefs.  Christmastime is usually a great opportunity to share.  We celebrate family, we celebrate giving, we celebrate the season where awareness for generosity and good deeds are elevated.  We celebrate love.

In the south, there is always a HUGE debate and a lot of anger among believers about phrasing "Happy Holidays" or "Merry Christmas" when encountering strangers throughout the season.  A lot of Christian believers feel insulted when someone utters "Happy Holidays" over "Merry Christmas" and feel very passionate over it.  I do not.  Christmas is one of the MANY holidays throughout this season, not the only one. (Note: I do however, believe in calling trees Christmas trees instead of Holiday Trees.  I'm not sure what other holiday puts up a tree, therefore making that particular tree designated for the specific holiday. Someone please educate me if I'm ignorant to a tradition in another holiday that utilizes the tree as a tradition, I'd love to know!)

While gazing through the internet the other day, I saw something very interesting that provoked my thoughts for this post.  It said something along the lines of:  "If you are Jewish, I expect you to say Happy Hanukkah; if you are Christian, I expect you to say Merry Christmas; if you are African American, I expect to tell me Happy Kwanzaa; and if you don't wish to specify, say Happy Holidays.  I won't be offended, I will just be thankful you stopped to say something nice to me."  Whatever you believe, share it with the world.  Share it respectfully, but share it.  A difference in beliefs does not have to mean a conversation of hate and animosity.  Allow yourself to be open to new ideas, and to offer your ideas to others.  This is the season of believing, and you never know when you will restore someone's faith that may have been lost.  You never know when you will inspire someone. Chris Creed, I'm stealing your phrase and say: "Stop waiting to be inspired; be inspiring."  Share what you believe, share what you are passionate about.

Whatever you believe, I hope you believe in it with all your heart.  No matter what it may be, I hope that your home is one that believes.  Whatever you believe, I wish you a beautiful season of happiness, love and laughter.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from our family to yours.

A Christmas Love

It's this time of year that always reminds me of my dating years with Jason.  It was around this time nearly 5 years ago that I finally knew and understood 100% that I had met the man I was going to marry.

I haven't dated much.  I've had a few of casual boyfriends, but only three (including my husband) that lasted well over a year or more.  I began dating a boy my senior year of high school that I would have sworn to you was the ONE.  No questions asked.  We had decided to try the long distance relationship while we attended different universities, and it definitely did not work out.  I'm no good at distance relationship, and major respect to those of you that can.  The boy I was dating was a very nice guy, and we are still friends today.  However, we were both feeling the stress of wanting to experience college without the burden of such a serious relationship.

I met Jason in the spring of my freshman year of college, through a mutual friend.  I was still dating my high school boyfriend, though things were already going downhill.  Jason and I became fast friends, and I liked him, a lot.  He was fun, he was extremely laid back, and he seemed to be the life of the party anywhere we went.  That was the type of relationships I had decided that I needed.  Nothing major, nothing serious, just FUN.

The relationship with my high school boyfriend ended, and Jason and I began to casually date shortly after.  I still felt in my heart that I would casually date for my college years, have fun with friends, and still eventually marry my high school boyfriend.

My first red flag that Jason was looking for something more when he wanted to bring me home to his family super quickly.  Not cool.  I dismissed the red flag, thinking I was reading too much into it, and decided to go.   I mean, we were just hanging out, enjoying the company of each other.  Right? Wrong.  Other similar red flags popped up here and there, and I finally found clarity that Jason wanted this to go differently than I did.  I still had these feelings that if I was supposed to be in a serious relationship, I should be dating my high school boyfriend, not Jason.  I was convinced that Jason wasn't my "one" and ended things.  He wanted to remain friends, which was very easy for us.  We had classes together, we had mutual friends, it was unavoidable to be anything but friends.

I reunited with my high school boyfriend for a few brief weeks in the fall.  I was eager for him to come home from school for the Christmas holiday so that we could figure things out and get our relationship on the track that I felt it was "supposed" to be on.  What I found was not what I was looking for.

We exchanged gifts that year, and I had thoughtfully gotten him tickets to a game of a college basketball team that he loved (and I hated) while he was home so we could spend some time together.  His gifts to me included a baseball cap of his favorite MLB team and a hooded sweatshirt from his college.  There was absolutely no thought at all.  I was pretty insulted, and I immediately began to analyze things.  While I understood that his intention was that he wanted me to learn to like the things he liked, I saw it differently.  He didn't think of ME.  He didn't think of what I would like, he thought about what he WANTED me to like.  It was a moment of complete clarity how he viewed our entire relationship.  I knew it was over.  Regardless of my relationship with Jason, this one was officially over.  What was "supposed" to happen didn't happen, and I really wasn't that upset about it.  We broke up about a week later.

A few days later, Jason approached me very nervously.  I hadn't told him about my thoughts about my relationship, and I didn't really feel like he needed to know.  He told me that he knew I was dating someone else, but he had found something that he saw that made him think of me and wanted me to have it.  He handed me a very small box that had two ballerina Christmas ornaments.  He told me that he remembered that my mom had bought me a ballerina ornament every year, and how special that collection was.  He had walked into a store and saw them, then decided that he wanted to add to such a sentimental collection.

Completely unaware of anything going on with my high school boyfriend, he had just shown me completely the opposite of what I had been shown just a few days prior.  Jason thought of ME, and considered who I was.  It didn't matter if he liked it or not, he understood what I needed/wanted.  Again, I had a huge moment of clarity of how he viewed our relationship.  No matter what his feelings were, he put me first.  He made me a priority when doing anything that involved me.  He saw me as important enough just as I was, and didn't feel the need to encourage me to like the same things he did.  It didn't matter to him if we had the same interests.  What mattered to him was that I remained my own person, and that I was happy.  It was that exact moment that I finally realized that the man that was supposed to be my casual boyfriend had turned out to be my one and only.

We didn't begin dating again right away, and it was nearly a year before I ever told him of my revelation that Christmas.  When I finally told him about it, he admitted that he had hoped that the gift would make me see that we belonged together, and allow me to realize on my own who I was supposed to spend my life with. He didn't want to tell me that he felt we belonged together, he just wanted to show me.  All it took to show me was one ugly (if you are reading this, sorry A, but you know it's true) university sweatshirt and two delicate Christmas ornaments.

Ultimate Mom Fails: Poop Edition

Note to the queasy: If you have a sick stomach, or not interested in talking about poop, that little red X in your upper left-hand corner is certainly for you.


You would think after nearly 6 months of diapering, I would have the hang of it by now.  Apparently not.  Over the past two weeks, I have had two MAJOR poop fails, along with a few other casualties.

Ethan grunts like a grown man when he's pooping/farting/just because he can.  On options 1 and 2, those grunts are accompanied by the most awful smell you've ever encountered.  Never in my life have I smelled an infant's poop as horrible as Ethan's.  I know he will love me when he turns 16 and finds out that I talked about his poop adventures for all the Internet to see, but I'm sure he will pay me back when I'm old, senile, and wearing adult diapers.

Poop Fail #1:

Ethan had just finished a bottle, and doing his typical grunt/fart/smell thing.  I KNEW he had pooped, and I can't stand the thought of him sitting in poop, so I went to change him immediately.  Apparently I moved way too fast.  I carried him into his nursery, laid him on the changing pad, and started the routine.  A wipe over his "waterhose" to avoid spraying, another wipe to begin cleaning the rest of his area, roll diaper, toss, continue to wipe, repeat as necessary.  I took my hand, grabbed both ankles as I do, and lifted his butt up to slide the clean diaper under.  My son, like a little Play-Doh machine, pushed the rest (and by rest I mean basically another entire bowel movement) out.  Right on the changing pad.  Everywhere.  Stupid me throws the clean diaper under him to catch the remaining poop, only to realize that not only was the inside of his clean diaper full of poop, but that I also slid it right into the pile he made on the changing pad.  Inside and outside of the diaper were COVERED in poop, and cue the very first time I gagged at my son's dirty diapers.

Poop Fail #2:

I finished feeding Ethan lunch, early in his solid food days, and food was everywhere.  Rather than carry him through the house and drip pureed squash everywhere, I ran to the nursery, brought back a diaper, two wipes (enough for me to feel that I have thoroughly cleaned every fat roll in a wet diaper), and a new outfit.

I took Ethan out of his Bumpo seat, only to find poop smeared in the entire bottom.  Ew.  I definitely didn't bring enough wipes for a poopy diaper.  I also had no where to put him to retrieve more wipes without getting poop EVERYWHERE.  So that's exactly what happened.  I ran for more wipes and started to clean.  I swear, I don't know where that boy stores it all.  I removed his outfit and it was like something exploded.  I found poop on my clothes, his clothes, my PHONE (innocent bystander nearby), the rug, the Bumpo, the clean outfit I was going to put him in, the list continues.  After I got him removed from his clothing, I quickly rushed him into the nursery to get more wipes and find fresh clothing.  Taking him to the nursery meant that I had to leave his two poopy outfits in my living room floor, leading to several shouts at the dog to STOP sniffing the mess in the living room until I had time to return and clean it.  Thank goodness the dog didn't end up in poop that day, but everything else in my house sure did.

Have you all had any major diaper disasters?

Disguising My Scars

It's been exactly a year.

A year ago today, we discovered a ridiculous amount of fluid around my heart.  We learned that bringing Ethan into the world alive and well was unlikely.  A year ago today, I had my very first heart surgery.  Three weeks from now, we will mark the 1 year anniversary of my second heart surgery.

My second heart surgery left a pretty big scar from the incision, and in fact covered up my first small scar.

3 days post surgery...the second time around.

That small incision hurt.  The bigger incision hurt even more, and masked the pain of the smaller one.  It hurt to cough, it hurt to laugh, and it even hurt to breathe.  It wasn't just a flesh wound.  It was a constant reminder of what we had been through, and how far we had to go. I could feel it.  People asked me questions about how big my scar was, and would make "encouraging" comments about how scars fade over time.  I realize that it will fade, but I know that it will never go away.  I'm not sure I really want it to.  My answer has always been "better than the alternative."

I'd rather have that scar than not be here.  I'd rather have that scar and have Ethan.  My scar means I get to keep my baby boy.  I get to hold him and love on him and listen to him scream bloody murder just because he has to ride in the car.  I'm not embarrassed by that scar.  I'm not ashamed of it.  I don't plan on hiding it.  I have every intention of continuing to wear the same clothing and bathing suits that I had prior to my surgery.

Almost all of my relationships and experiences have scars.  Some are tiny, some are huge, but they never go away.  Some of them were my fault, some of them were not.  But they're still there.  Sure, they've faded, but they are still there.  I don't mind talking about them.  I don't mind bringing them up, even though they make others cringe sometimes.  A scar isn't a bad thing.  It reminds us where we've been.  It reminds us of how hard things used to be.  It allows us to appreciate the way things are now.  Again, it's better than the alternative.  I'd rather have a scar in the friendship than not have the friendship at all.  I'd rather have a scar in my marriage than lose my marriage.  I don't want those scars to fade, I don't want to forget where I came from.

My scarred relationships aren't bad relationships.  In fact, some of the ones that have the biggest scars are the strongest relationships I have.  The best friendships and the most incredible marriage.  It's easy for people to believe that something flawless is best, when I find that things that are the most flawed are often the finest. Aesthetically speaking, I love a good "distressed" piece, so why wouldn't I love a distressed relationship with someone?  It's definitely a great conversation starter.

Scars are not ugly.  That incision? That surgery? That disagreement with my friend? Those moments with my previous employer that protested my unemployment? The time I reported unacceptable behavior because I was pregnant? Those many times that I fell flat on my face and had to admit I needed help getting back up? That is when things were ugly.  The wounds are ugly.  The scars are not.  To say those wounds hurt would be an understatement.  The bigger the scar, the deeper the wound.  The depth of our wounds are relative to our anguish.

I find what was left behind quite significant and symbolic.  Something to be proud of, not to be ashamed of.  I'm not ashamed to say that I was fired from a job, and that there is no chance in hell that company would hire me back because I stood up for what was legally owed to me.  I'm not ashamed to say that I didn't speak to a dear friend of mine for nearly a year because of unrealistic expectations.  I'm not ashamed to say that my husband and I broke up during our dating years because I was too afraid to admit he was the one for me.  I'm not ashamed to wear a top that shows off part of my scar.  I'm not embarrassed to answer questions about it.

Still very visible, very large, and certainly not forgotten.

I hope that Ethan asks me one day where my scar came from.  I plan on telling him that scar is my forever a reminder that he is with me.  I plan on telling him that I loved him so much that my heart filled up and doctors had to go in and help it overflow. Sometimes we need that overflow to remind us how blessed we are to have so much that our bodies can't take it in the small space we are given.  Sometimes we need a scar to give us extra room to love more, to endure more, to accept more.  Most of the time it hurts to need that extra room, to allow that overflow.  It hurts to endure more than what we can take, so we have to make room.  When it is all said and done, we are left with something that doesn't hurt anymore, and it allows us to remember.  It allows us to remember how bad that hurt, how difficult it was.  It allows us to remember why we were there to begin with, and how those moments brought us to where we are today.  I refuse to be ashamed of my scars, I refuse to let others tell me they are ugly, and I refuse to hide them.  We need to be reminded that we should be proud of where we came from, and how we got here.  The ugly parts matter too.

From Stay at Home Mom to Working Mom

I've found a new job.

It's a bittersweet time for us, because I am so sad to be returning to work.  I have been offered a job from an employer that I have known for years, and worked closely with during my time before my previous job  in therapeutic support.  Jason and I have had our prayers answered to find a job for me with incredible flexibility, good pay, and an understanding environment.  I couldn't have asked for a better situation to fall into our laps, and we are incredibly blessed that it has.

It was important for me to be able to say in an interview: "I have a small child, and while I never intend to take advantage of caring for him, I need for it to be acceptable that I take him to the doctor when he is ill.  I need for you to understand that I have to be with him when he needs me.  I have every intention of working my ass off while I'm here, and plan to be here as much as possible.  But my child will always come first."  I knew the second I got the phone call about this job that I could say that to this employer.  I did and those statements were accepted not only without blinking an eye, but with enthusiasm that they wouldn't dream of another option for a mother.  A boss with small children himself, and a wife that is at home with them, understands a child's need (and a mother's need) to be together as much as possible.  Sometimes it isn't financially possible to be together all the time, so a job with flexibility is the next best option.  That option was given to us, and we are so relieved.

I'm going to miss being with Ethan full time, but I know that my Mom is the best option to care for him if it can't be me.  Thank goodness she is willing to be Ethan's caregiver while I return to work part-time, and that he doesn't have to enter daycare.  I do want Ethan to become involved in some type of social program after he is a bit older, but I am so relieved that his infancy will be spent outside of daycare with someone I trust completely.

I am still hoping that one day I can return to time as a stay at home mom, but thank goodness that my transition into a working mom will be as easy as it can be.  While I am still SO angry about my situation with my previous employer, I am truly thankful that the situation allowed me to be at home for Ethan's first 6 months of his life.  While I had hoped for a year, I was given more full time with him than most mothers that have to work outside of the home.  For that, I am thankful.

Mommas that work outside of the home, I need your wisdom! How do we make this transition even easier?

Christmas Photos-A Small Photo Update

We took Ethan's Christmas pictures last week, and I've been excited to share them with you all, but we've had quite an eventful few weeks.

Our family is enduring some difficulties of a loved one's illness that has been difficult to diagnose.  Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we attempt to move forward.  Please also remember the doctors as they use their knowledge and intuition to guide my family into the best decisions to care for him in the best way.

I can't wait to share my Christmas card with you all, but I'm going to refrain until they have all been mailed out.  So these pictures are a teaser to what we used for our cards.

I know I may be am biased, but he really is the cutest little boy ever.

Book Exchange

Hey guys! A few of you expressed interest in the book exchange, but your e-mail address to respond to is still showing noreply@blogger.com.  If you all are still interested, I have a few girls who are looking for some exchangers on their list! Leave me a comment with your e-mail address!

Happy Saturday!

New Beginnings

It's official! I no longer have a cardiologist!  My ECHO came back beautifully.  My cardiologist entered the office and announced that everything looked fantastic and that there was absolutely NO fluid left around my heart.  It appears that delivery finally resolved the remaining part of my condition.  We are SO relieved, and were so excited for these special people to meet the little life they saved.

Waiting for Dr. R and our Nurse to come visit.

We loved our nurse practitioner so much.  She was incredibly comforting throughout the process, and always validated our fears and feelings.  She is truly a wonderful person, and I'm so glad that the medical field still has people like her in it.

Ethan went straight to her.  He grinned and laughed and reached for her as soon as she said hello.  It was almost as if he remembered her voice.  

Lots of love given to a very special woman.

Dr. R came in and wanted to show us pictures of his new pride and joy as well! He has recently welcomed a new son, and he is absolutely beautiful.  We had to convince him to hold Ethan, as he was afraid of spreading too many germs to him.  I told him that I had to have a picture of Ethan with the man that made sure that he arrived safely, so he happily agreed.

Big, happy sighs.  This man will forever be in our hearts as we watch Ethan grow.    He seemed bashful to accept our huge thank-yous, and just wanted to express his own happiness that everyone is in tip top shape.  He is a very humble man, and we have the utmost respect for him.

Finally, after a few tears and big thank-yous, we took a picture together.  I told them both it was bittersweet to leave, as they both determined that there was no need for me to have any more appointments.  My only visits to Centennial Heart will be personal visits to say hello.

We have been so blessed with such amazing care.

We have been so excited for this day to finally come.  This has been the first moment (other than Ethan's birth, of course) that we have gotten the answers we hoped for in over a year.

Our hopes were that we would win our unemployment case and follow it with this appointment, providing complete and absolute closure to this horrible year.  We've been waiting so long for these moments to let us know that the chaos is officially behind us, but of course that isn't the case yet.  Instead I left feeling uplifted, and hopeful that instead of  a final moment in this turmoil, we had experienced our first moment of things turning around for us.  We went to Nashville in hopes of searching for our ending, but came back feeling that we had found a new beginning instead. We've always been told that when one door closes, another one opens, but maybe doors don't have to be closed for new ones to open up.   Maybe sometimes we don't have to experience closure in order to experience a new beginning.  Maybe sometimes they just flow together, and we are able to move forward into them anyway.

Yesterday marks the day of a new beginning.  We are starting fresh with our family.  Good things are going to happen.

No Way to Say Thank You

Today is a REALLY big day for us.  Today is the day we hope to say farewell to our wonderful team of cardiologists in Nashville.

We will head down to Nashville for my last ECHO and meeting with my doctors.  We feel confident that the issue that we have struggled with for nearly a year has finally resolved itself, but tomorrow will  make it official.  Your thoughts and prayers would be most appreciated that we get the results that we are expecting.

While we are excited to be closing this chapter, we are also extremely sad to say good-bye to such an amazing team.  We wanted to say thank you to them in style, so we have been busy at work with some DIY projects for our team. There is truly no way we could ever thank them properly for being so wonderful to us over the past year, but we are sure going to try.  We were so lucky to be placed with a team that has truly CARED for us that was more than medical care.  Our country would be in much better shape if all health care providers were willing to show such love and compassion for their patients the way this team has.  I've said it before, but I could never say enough good things about Centennial Heart.

My cardiologist has recently brought a new addition into his family, so my Mom found some sweet things for the baby and siblings.  Jason designed this and had it specially printed, a true one of a kind.

Seriously, how talented is my husband? SO proud of him.

My nurse practitioner has been a true comfort and help to me throughout this process.  I could easily call her and tell her that I was feeling nervous about recurrence, and she would talk me through it.  It never took her more than an hour to return my calls to reassure me, which I will be forever amazed at.  For an interventionalist that has duties with a number of patients in office as well as in the hospital, she always made me feel like I was her only patient.  She is getting married next year, and we are absolutely thrilled for her.  Jason and I got busy on this for her:

 Jason created the design, and I transferred it to a ceramic tile.  We have a small easel for her to display it in her home after she is married.  We're considering opening an Etsy shop, what are your thoughts?

We are so thankful for our team at Centennial Heart.  It is certainly bittersweet to visit them today, but we are so glad that this visit is finally here.  I am so happy that we get to take Ethan to meet the team that saved our lives and gave him the chance to be brought into this world.  We couldn't be more thankful to be blessed with individuals that were willing to care for us in such a proactive and aggressive way.  They allowed us to keep our family in tact, and that is something we will always remember.  I can't wait to share photos with you all of Ethan meeting our team!

5 Months

Hi Stinky Boy!

Today you are 5 months old! I can't believe how big you are getting so quickly! You are such a sweetheart, and a huge flirt! Your relationship with your "girlfriend" is continuing to blossom, and I think it is official to say you prefer blondes.

Over the past month, you have been a BUSY little bee.  You are growing, changing, moving, and learning at such a fast rate.  It is almost easier to take video of you than it is to take your picture because you move SO much!  You are still a tiny little thing, just barely big enough for 3-6 month clothing and size 1-2 diapers.

Over the past month we have gotten to do so many new things with you!

Celebrated your very first Halloween as Charlie Brown...

Entered the world of solid food...and you can't get enough of them!

 Played in Granny and Pappy's new cabinets...

Working extremely hard to sit unassisted for longer than 15 seconds at a time.  This is improving quite a bit, although any task you try to accomplish while sitting often throws you off balance.

 Supported Mommy's high school football team by wearing the colors of your future Alma Mater.  Go Purples!  State tournament bound, heck yes.

 Spent lots of time playing with Mommy...

 ...and then curl up with Daddy once you are sleepy...

Passed out from a food coma after too many sweet potatoes on your very first Thanksgiving...

 Somehow discovered how to leave a trail in your crib of socks and paci's...

Became Santa's little helper...

 ...and MET Santa for the very first time! You loved him!

And met your Elf on the Shelf!

You are trying SO hard to crawl, and are managing to find ways of mobility without crawling.  You know how to get your knees into position, as well as your arms, but not at the same time.  Once you master that, I think you will take off quickly.  Mommy is going to have to baby proof the house soon, and I'm hoping that comes AFTER we take the Christmas decorations down this year.



Since you are working so hard at crawling, Daddy thought it would be fun to try to give you lessons.  It didn't go well...


Speaking of your Daddy, today is his birthday too! You love to play with him when he comes home from work, he makes you laugh quite a bit.  I know you will make his first birthday as a Daddy very special.


Your new BFF is Fenway.  Fenway is no longer afraid of you, and is extremely patient with your hands-on ways of discovery.

Make that VERY patient.  We are so proud of Fenway for continuing to show you love and kindness while you rough him up, and we hope to teach you soon to be a little more gentle with Fenway in return.


You LOVE to play in the floor with Fenway, and his puppy like demeanor really makes you laugh.  You would play in the floor with him for hours if he didn't get distracted so easily.  I think he would play with you for hours to if you could figure out how to throw his toys. :) All in good time, I know.



Watching you grow and learn becomes more and more exciting, thrilling, and fulfilling.  I love watching you figure out new tricks and practice them until you have them perfect.  I love when you cuddle with me with your eyes wide open-too sleepy to play, but not sleepy enough.  That is my favorite time with you, you are such a snuggle buddy.  I cannot believe you are almost a half-year old, and that we are coming up on your first Christmas!  Daddy and I have some big plans to make this a special one, even if you may not remember it.  You make every day special for us, and full of excitement.  We grow to love you more unconditionally than we ever have, and you bring our family more light than it has ever seen.

I'm so proud of you.

Mommy