Thursday, March 17, 2011

Big Changes-Another Stream of Consciousness

October 11 was definitely not the last time our lives have changed.  Over these past few months, our entire world as been turned upside down.  While we were eagerly preparing for Ethan's arrival, our lives were changed again with my health situation, and then again when I was taken off work to recover from my surgeries.  The surgeries combined with my pregnancy have made the recovery and the risks much greater than we have hoped for.  It has certainly been an adjustment to go from being around my kiddos every day to being at home and spending more time with my family.  It has been bittersweet.  I miss my clients.

As of this week, it appears this situation will remain permanent at least until Ethan's arrival.  After a great amount heartache, frustration, tears, and stress, I have lost my job.  My inability to return to work within this period of time has resulted in my termination.  While I would love to share the details with you on here, it is currently not in my best interest.  I'm angry and hurt with the sequence of events, but there is unfortunately nothing I can do to change them.

I feel extremely sad for myself, but even more so for my clients.  I have always felt that my clients counted on me to be a constant role model that never walked out on them.  Unfortunately, I left work one afternoon with no idea that I would never return.  I feel guilty for not giving my clients the closure they deserve.  I feel relieved for this part of the process to be over, as it has been a long battle in the works, but I can't help but continue to worry about my kids.  I had fantastic relationships with my kids, and I worry about who will take my place.  I certainly hope that my sudden departure from their lives without any closure does not hinder any progress that we were able to make together.  I hope they are able to continue to open their vulnerable hearts to another new face that will have their best interest at heart.  And I hope that someday, they learn the truth and will understand.

3 comments:

lessonsinlifeandlight said...

Oh no...I'm so sorry to hear this. I can tell you're extremely upset. I hope you start to feel better and are able to enjoy some of your new free time.

Thinking of you.

Annie said...

sorry to hear this hun :(
all i can think to say is everything happens for a reason. you did what you had to do.

Jess said...

I am so, so sorry, Paige.

You loved your kids and they know that. Just hold that close and try to enjoy the rest this pregnancy before Ethan comes.

Still praying.