Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Ultimate Mom Fails: Poop Edition

Note to the queasy: If you have a sick stomach, or not interested in talking about poop, that little red X in your upper left-hand corner is certainly for you.

You would think after nearly 6 months of diapering, I would have the hang of it by now.  Apparently not.  Over the past two weeks, I have had two MAJOR poop fails, along with a few other casualties.

Ethan grunts like a grown man when he's pooping/farting/just because he can.  On options 1 and 2, those grunts are accompanied by the most awful smell you've ever encountered.  Never in my life have I smelled an infant's poop as horrible as Ethan's.  I know he will love me when he turns 16 and finds out that I talked about his poop adventures for all the Internet to see, but I'm sure he will pay me back when I'm old, senile, and wearing adult diapers.

Poop Fail #1:

Ethan had just finished a bottle, and doing his typical grunt/fart/smell thing.  I KNEW he had pooped, and I can't stand the thought of him sitting in poop, so I went to change him immediately.  Apparently I moved way too fast.  I carried him into his nursery, laid him on the changing pad, and started the routine.  A wipe over his "waterhose" to avoid spraying, another wipe to begin cleaning the rest of his area, roll diaper, toss, continue to wipe, repeat as necessary.  I took my hand, grabbed both ankles as I do, and lifted his butt up to slide the clean diaper under.  My son, like a little Play-Doh machine, pushed the rest (and by rest I mean basically another entire bowel movement) out.  Right on the changing pad.  Everywhere.  Stupid me throws the clean diaper under him to catch the remaining poop, only to realize that not only was the inside of his clean diaper full of poop, but that I also slid it right into the pile he made on the changing pad.  Inside and outside of the diaper were COVERED in poop, and cue the very first time I gagged at my son's dirty diapers.

Poop Fail #2:

I finished feeding Ethan lunch, early in his solid food days, and food was everywhere.  Rather than carry him through the house and drip pureed squash everywhere, I ran to the nursery, brought back a diaper, two wipes (enough for me to feel that I have thoroughly cleaned every fat roll in a wet diaper), and a new outfit.

I took Ethan out of his Bumpo seat, only to find poop smeared in the entire bottom.  Ew.  I definitely didn't bring enough wipes for a poopy diaper.  I also had no where to put him to retrieve more wipes without getting poop EVERYWHERE.  So that's exactly what happened.  I ran for more wipes and started to clean.  I swear, I don't know where that boy stores it all.  I removed his outfit and it was like something exploded.  I found poop on my clothes, his clothes, my PHONE (innocent bystander nearby), the rug, the Bumpo, the clean outfit I was going to put him in, the list continues.  After I got him removed from his clothing, I quickly rushed him into the nursery to get more wipes and find fresh clothing.  Taking him to the nursery meant that I had to leave his two poopy outfits in my living room floor, leading to several shouts at the dog to STOP sniffing the mess in the living room until I had time to return and clean it.  Thank goodness the dog didn't end up in poop that day, but everything else in my house sure did.

Have you all had any major diaper disasters?


Amy Lynn said...

LOL Paige... that's so nasty that it's hilarious. Poor Ethan.

Ashley Belle said...

Haha....the life of a mommy is a glamorous one!! More than once when I was breastfeeding Lenag did her bum explode during a diaper change. Resulting in a nice mural on our walls! Not really my taste, but whatcha gonna do!! LoL I'd love to tell you that it gets easier, but that would just be a sweet lie. Let me know when he learns how to get his diaper off in his crib and finger paint with the nastyness!! True story!! ;0)

Ashley @ It's Fitting said...

Oh lord. I'd like to say it gets better, but my son is over two and we JUST stopped getting blowouts. He had a terrible stomach for over a year, so we had major blowouts all.the.time. Did I mention we cloth diaper? :)

Anonymous said...

Yes, so just today! TODAY! My 2yo potty training (on her own terms) DD learned how to climb out of her bed. So at nap time, we are having our obligatory meltdown and then it gets quiet. I think ok, she fell asleep. Then I hear slight little noises and I look upstairs to find her peeking out her bedroom door.
I go upstairs, and say "What are you doing out of bed" I see she is half naked (bottom half) and I think oh, great!
I look in her hand, and she is holding her POOP! YUCK!!
She had gotten out of her crib, taken off her pants and pullup, taken out the poo - and was I assume (b/c she's done it before) going to take it to the bathroom for either the potty or the trashcan. Not sure which.
It was disgusting! I almost gagged - we washed our hands thoroughly (thumb sucker) and then wiped the booty, covered in poo.
Then I had to inspect the damage in the bedroom. Minimal.
Get her re-pullup'd and back in bed.
What a day!

ChiMomWriter said...

My favorite is still when my daughter was a week old. I was changing a dirty diaper, and while I held her ankles up in the air, she FIRED liquid poop across the changing table, down the wall, and All. Over. Everything. All I could do was laugh.

(And, just wait until he can get into his diaper. My daughter smeared her walls and furniture once. Just sayin'!)

Jax said...

Ohmygosh! The second story had me laughing out loud picturing you telling the dog to stop going near the poop, etc.. haha,.

I also have to apologize! I have been on blogger block at work for awhile.. I go to a few and then have to sign off before work filters catch me.. lol! Anyway, I didnt even realize you'd moved! I was thinking "I havent seen Paige in my feed in a long time.." And I went searching.. Sheez. Sorry I suck!