Friday, December 30, 2011

Breaking Up Isn't Always Hard to Do

Dear 2011,

I must say, I won't be sorry to see you go.  You and I didn't get along very well this year, and I'm looking forward to meeting 2012 without looking back.  Quite frankly, I have a few things I would like to thank you for, but I would ultimately like to say: You suck.  We aren't friends, and I'm breaking up with you effective 12/31/2011 at 11:59 p.m.  Your negative qualities have far outweighed your good qualities.  Allow me to explain and provide you links of evidence.

You started off on the wrong foot with me.  By January 4th, I was back in the hospital for a second heart surgery that I very easily could have gone without. Let's just say I was less than pleased that you wanted to toy with my heart (no pun intended) on the future of my baby boy.

By February, we were in a battle that I couldn't return to work, but Short Term Disability didn't seem to find my condition severe enough to want to pay out.  Thankfully, after much stress and worry, you managed to work that one out for us.  I'm not sure what we would have done all those months that I was completely unable to work without it.  However, what was the point of making me stress and worry so much?  I definitely spent a lot of time remembering that I needed to put faith and trust where it belonged, but I didn't appreciate all the trials.  Mentally, physically, and emotionally-I struggled deeply.

You decided to be a little nice to me in March and give me a somewhat positive medical report, but not quite positive enough.  By now, I was completely fired from my job, started a battle with the Human Rights Commission regarding some of the events that occurred prior to my termination.  Those events really left me discouraged with the amount of integrity left in this world.  This wasn't a fun time at all.  Months later, you decided to still toy with me during a battle of unemployment with this employer, and somehow I managed to get screwed.  Thanks 2011, you just seemed to get better and better.

Spring was a little uplifting, and I'm not quite sure we would have made it through the duration of our relationship had you not provided me with some positive lights.  So thank you.  You gave me (and my husband!) an opportunity to evaluate my marriage and speak out on marriage on behalf of Lyryn's project, and allowed me to celebrate my second wedding anniversary with the greatest man ever.  We celebrated our sweet niece's third birthday in style, and shortly after were blessed to capture our difficult pregnancy on camera.

We somehow, by the grace of God (and no thanks to you, 2011), reached "full term" during my pregnancy with a healthy baby.  I am still amazed that we reached that point, and am so thrilled that we were able to let sweet Ethan "cook" for a full 41 weeks and 5 days! 2011, this was certainly your greatest attribute.  Actually, I find the moment of Ethan's birth the ONLY good quality you have.  You will forever be remembered as a complete pain in my ass, but fondly remembered because you were the year that made me a mother.  I couldn't ask for a sweeter or more loving baby boy, and I will forever be grateful to you for that moment.  You also allowed my marriage to grow stronger by continuing to "date" one another even with children.

There were so many people that wanted to meet Ethan right away, and we were blessed with lots of visitors in the hospital.  We were also given the opportunities to visit with lots of people upon bringing Ethan home, and some of those moments I could do with out.  2011, as if you weren't already a big enough of an irritation, you had to allow the struggle of several that wanted to force relationships upon us and Ethan.  People that refuse to do the work of a true relationship, but present to the world a fantasy of "closeness" that doesn't exist.  Thanks for annoying us with that.

I turned 25 this year, and thanks to my family and greatest friends, we had a really good celebration.  It certainly was no thanks to you.  In case you can't tell, there is very little that I am giving you credit for.  I'm grateful that I was able to see 25, and even more grateful that I had Ethan here to spend it with.  So thanks again, for being the year I got to keep my baby boy.

By November, I had absolutely had enough.  I've been over you for a while, but November was it.  I think you knew I was done, because you started to brown nose in a big way.  First of all, you gave us a perfect report at the cardiologist, and you allowed us some very bittersweet good-byes.  I will never forget those people that you allowed us to meet this year, for they truly saved my entire family.  It was such a relief to have that moment.  I think you knew I was ready for a break-up, and allowed me to have the closure I've been so desperately searching for.

Closure brings upon a lot of reflection, and reminds us of the scars from the ugly parts we came from.  Thank goodness for the closure, even if the moving forward part isn't 100% ideal.  I've moved on, and started a new job.  While you did allow me to find a job with an excellent boss that was flexible with the pay we needed, I'm still pretty pissed at you that I don't get to roll into 2012 as a stay at home mom.  You better hope it gets easier, or I'm coming back for you.  You better hide.  Consider this your warning.

You have given me so many reasons to hate you this year.  You have given me so many reasons to be happy to move on to 2012 and never look back.  However, I know that I will look back.  I'll remember that you were the year that kicked me in the ass, and now I'm paying you back with a swift kick in yours with this letter.  I'll also remember that you were the year that gave me a family, and for that, I could never turn my back on you completely.  You've put me through a lot of crap this year, enough to make me want to lose my mind.  I hope you realize now though, no matter what you were going to throw my way, I'll always believe.  You may think that you defeated me, but I can assure you that you haven't.

I'm walking toward 2012 believing that it has to be better than you.  You see 2011, it's not me, it's you. I've met something else, and I'd rather pursue that than continue to waste my time with you. I think it's best we make this a clean break.  No "I'll see you arounds" or "Until next times."  I think it's best we just leave this as it is.  I'll take my husband and baby boy, you keep the rest-no need to review any documents.  Good-bye 2011.  Thanks for the memories.


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