Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Still Down and Frustrated

I don't like not being able to "bounce back."

I'm finding it difficult to sleep for more than a few hours without pain. This morning was incredibly difficult. I woke up feeling like my surgery was just yesterday: aching, nauseous and sore. I attempted to start the morning by eating a Pop-Tart to ease my stomach, and ended up gagging on the first bite, causing an unbearable pain in my breastbone/incision area. I burst into tears, and my mom cried with me. I'm SO frustrated and tired of feeling this way. I slept away the morning, yet another waste.

Recovery is not our only challenge at this point. Not only are we focused on preparing for Ethan's arrival, we are constantly reminded of our other "challenges" that my condition has brought us to. These hurdles are thrown our way well before we ever expected to have to deal with them. This is incredibly frustrating to me, as my health condition is causing the problem, yet my husband is picking up the responsibilities to fix it. I'll just whine and say it: it's not fair.

I have always looked forward to enjoying this pregnancy, and while I love knowing the new things that Ethan is developing each day, it is difficult to enjoy due to how awful I feel and how much stress I am causing.

We have had so much help with our daily activities from our friends and family, which has been a wonderful blessing. All of the encouraging words and prayers have also been a blessing, and I want to thank you all for them.

God is certainly putting me up to the highest challenge of "trusting him" that began the day we discovered our firstborn was coming into our lives.

1 comment:

Brittney said...

May I please interject that sleeping away the morning is by no means in any way a waste! I have no clue what you're going through and I can't even begin to imagine the pain and frustrations and difficulties you are feeling and facing. But sleeping the morning away helps your body to heal and is good for your sweet little baby Ethan! I can see that you are struggling and feeling terrible about things, but please, please realize that doing that really is a good thing! Please don't feel guilty or like you're wasting your time. You may not see the benefits of what's happening because they're happening internally - even if you can't tell right now. :) I'll continue to pray for you!