Tuesday, July 7, 2009

My Big Redneck Wedding

So bloggy friends, I saw some celebrities today! I think I met the entire cast from a season of My Big Redneck Wedding!! Where, you ask? The social security office of course! I think I met every single person that gives Kentucky the stereotype that we have.

Oh. My. Gosh. I went this morning to FINALLY change my name to be an Orlando! I have been putting off this task because of the horror stories from the SS Office, but today I finally went over there. I can't change anything else until I get my new drivers license, and I can't get THAT until I go to the SS Office (insert scary movie music here.) Luckily, I ended up with a very nice lady that helped me very quickly and efficiently, and I was in and out in about 20 minutes. But those 20 minutes in the waiting room were INSANE.

Seriously guys, it was ridiculous. I got there about 5 minutes before it opened in hopes of not waiting too long. The line to print your ticket for "Reason for Coming, Here's Your Number That We Will Eventually Get Around to Calling" was already OUT THE DOOR. Ridiculous! So I take my wonderful number of E92 and search for a seat. The waiting room is packed, and its full of the cast from my Big Redneck Wedding!

Seriously-bloggy friends-if you ever have to go-don't wear normal clothing! Not that I am dressed fantastically today, but I do have on black pants, a tan shirt with a scoop neck, and black dress shoes. I mean, I DO have a job that I have to look presentable for. You would have thought I was dressed for the Oscars and walked into a Demolition Derby. I got SO many strange looks from these people. I found a seat in the back corner as far away from people as I could get, which only ended up being a few seats, but still.

In all seriousness, the set up in our new SS building is pretty nice. The back of the waiting room has 3 windows that have people to assist the Crazies (Labeled A, B, and C) and there are two doors to leave the waiting room. The sign next to the door on the left labels reads 1-7 and the sign on the door on the right reads 8-15. There ARE windows, so it is obvious that these numbers are representing more windows that have Crazy-People Assistants. They would call number, and say "Go to window (insert letter or number here) please." The lucky Crazy would get up, turn in circles, and say "Where?! What?! Where is that?" Someone would always politely point to the right, left or back and direct the nut. Then, somehow, the polite Crazy would get called next and pull the EXACT same stunt that the previous Nut had. I know that Kentucky is stereotyped to being illiterate hicks, but seriously Crazies. You don't even HAVE to read at the SS Office. They NUMBER it for you JUST IN CASE. Somehow, that still doesn't seem to work.

As I'm sitting there, Crazies are getting called left and right-and one particular Crazy is next in line. Her father stands up and announces "That's my daughter, but she's in the bathroom!" The gentleman behind window C politely says "That's fine sir, we will call her again in a minute." This next part has to be written in conversation form, or I will never finish and end up confusing you all.

The daughter comes RUNNING out of the bathroom and says, "Who did they just call?!"
Father: "You! Hurry!"
Daughter (to man behind Window C): "I'm here, I'm here! But my Momma's in the bathroom, and she can't see.
Window C Man: "Well, miss, go take care of your mother and we will be happy to call you back in a minute."
Daughter: "No, no I'll just be right back!"
Window C Man: "It's ok ma'am, take your time, and we will call you again."
Daughter: "Oh, never mind, someone else is getting her!" (Note that this someone else is a TOTAL stranger that just happened to be in the waiting room.)

Out comes the mother, with a T-shirt 8 sizes too big, baggy shorts, hair that hadn't been brushed in 12 years, and sunglasses. Poor woman, you can tell she's not cared for well. The father takes her to Window C, Daughter tells him to take her to sit down, and then outside. The poor woman was dragged all over the place, and had no idea where she was being taken, or even who was taking her.
With all this commotion going on, I couldn't hear what Crazy Daughter wanted originally, but I did catch wind of the closing remarks of her business with Window Man C.

Daughter: While I'm here, my son lost his social security card, what should I do?
Window Man C: How old is he?
Daughter: 42. (Ummm...seriously lady? It's time for your son to handle his own affairs.)
Window Man C: Well then he will need to come up here himself and apply for a new card himself.
Daughter: But he doesn't get checks or anything, he just needs a new card.
Window Man C: Yes, but he's over 18 so he has to apply for this himself.
Daughter: Well I just thought I could get it all done while I'm here, but fine!

And I thought MY job needed patience.


Amy Lynn said...

lol... poor cousin

Shannon said...

omg I hate that place. A long time ago, my parents lost my SS card. so they "ordered" me a new one. It comes in as Shannon LEITH .. um, my middle name is Leigh.


so I go in to get a new card. and they're like: Your card has been wrong for THIS LONG? and I say yes.. I haven't really needed to use it (I got it in high school). and He looks in the system and says: Well, it's Leith in the system. and I say: well, Leigh is my middle name. And the dude gets a reallllly mean tone and goes: WELL YOUR PARENTS OBVIOUSLY DIDN'T CARE ENOUGH TO LOOK AT YOUR CARD WHEN YOU WERE BORN BECAUSE IT'S BEEN LEITH SINCE YOU WERE BORN!


my BIRTH CERTIFICIATE says Leigh. and they use your bith certificate to make you SS card. how annoying. it was THEIR fault. he just didn't want to own up to it. because, if it's their fault, they have to replace your SS card for free.

ok that was a huge comment, I'm sorry. but anyway. I had to go home, grab my birth certificate, and bring it back to prove that my parents did not name me Leith. ridiculous.

PaigeR530 said...

AHHHH Shannon, I know that had to be awful but I just had to laugh out loud!

Anonymous said...

oh my goodness. I am cracking up just picturing your face in all of this. hahahaha. Seriously. I can so picture you.