I think I want my artist of a husband to make me T-Shirts to wear for the remainder of my pregnancy. Some of the phrases I'm working on are (feel free to leave any ideas yourself!):
1. Yes, I'm due in a week. No, I have not begun to dilate. Yes, I find it awkward to discuss my "hoo-ha" area with most people who ask this question.
2. No, I do not cry when I hear my cervix is still closed. I'm well aware that some women do not progress at all until labor starts.
3. No, I can't do anything to make him come out any sooner.
4. I'm glad that you are "so ready" for his arrival, but apparently he is not.
5. No, I have no idea how big he is.
6. I do not want to be induced. I greatly prefer Ethan come on his own, and if that means waiting until I'm "past due," so be it.
7. No, I am not physically miserable.
8. Do I know you? No? Then it isn't ok to touch me.
9. Please don't look at me with pity as if I am too big to fit through a normal size door. I'm fine with it.
10. Your delivery situation will most likely be different than mine. Thanks though.
11. I don't care if you just rang up my groceries or not, I'm not comfortable discussing my choices of "c-section or natural childbirth" with you.
12. I'm aware that my bellybutton pokes out 90% of the time now. It's not your job to flick it, poke it, rub it, or touch it.
13. I am NOT the Pillsbury Doughboy.
14. We will discuss Ethan's siblings after we get him here safely, ok? Thanks.
15. Just because I'm ok with being enormous does not give you the right to reiterate that statement.
16. Did that statement annoy you when you were pregnant? Yes? Then please don't say it to me.
15 T-Shirts for the next 15 days? I better put Jason to work!