Thursday, June 9, 2011

I Want T-Shirts...

I think I want my artist of a husband to make me T-Shirts to wear for the remainder of my pregnancy.  Some of the phrases I'm working on are (feel free to leave any ideas yourself!):

1. Yes, I'm due in a week.  No, I have not begun to dilate.  Yes, I find it awkward to discuss my "hoo-ha" area with most people who ask this question.

2.  No, I do not cry when I hear my cervix is still closed.  I'm well aware that some women do not progress at all until labor starts.

3.  No, I can't do anything to make him come out any sooner.

4.  I'm glad that you are "so ready" for his arrival, but apparently he is not.

5.  No, I have no idea how big he is.

6.  I do not want to be induced.  I greatly prefer Ethan come on his own, and if that means waiting until I'm "past due," so be it.

7.  No, I am not physically miserable.

8.  Do I know you? No? Then it isn't ok to touch me.

9.  Please don't look at me with pity as if I am too big to fit through a normal size door.  I'm fine with it.

10.  Your delivery situation will most likely be different than mine.  Thanks though.

11.  I don't care if you just rang up my groceries or not, I'm not comfortable discussing my choices of "c-section or natural childbirth" with you.

12.  I'm aware that my bellybutton pokes out 90% of the time now.  It's not your job to flick it, poke it, rub it, or touch it.

13.  I am NOT the Pillsbury Doughboy.

14.  We will discuss Ethan's siblings after we get him here safely, ok? Thanks.

15.  Just because I'm ok with being enormous does not give you the right to reiterate that statement.

16. Did that statement annoy you when you were pregnant? Yes? Then please don't say it to me.

15 T-Shirts for the next 15 days? I better put Jason to work!


Jax said...

haha.. Awesome. I definitely find it hilarious (and annoying) that people feel the need to thrust themselves into other women's pregnancies. I've seen it happen with all my friends. "What's your birth plan?" or "Are you going to breastfeed?" etc.. And inevitably, verbal vomit immediately follows where they tell my friend(s) their opinions on absolutely everything. And act as though their opinions are the end-all-be-all. haha.. Oh sheez. And my friend at work just had a baby. She laughs b/c she used to hide from a woman who always used to touch her. She'd seriously dart in bathrooms. Comedy. *sigh* people... haha.. Good luck keeping your distance from the comments, etc for the next 15 days!!

Erika and Jason said...

Ahh love it Paige! I can relate to so many of these already. I had patients asking me these exact questions. Oy. Hang in there mama. I am already outgrowing my clothes and need new ones but I think Jason should start a tee shirt business and I will definitely buy a ton from him!

Brittney said...


That is all!!!

Mrs. Lukie said...

How fun would it be to actually wear one of these shirts every day until Ethan made his arrival?

I ended up having the tank made that says, "Yes, I am pregnant. No, I do not want your unsolicited advice." I've only mustered up the courage to wear it to the gym, but am getting VERY close to wearing it out in public, without giving a hoot!

Brittany Ann said...

I will take one of each, please:)

lessonsinlifeandlight said...

I want one of each too! LOL! These are sooooo funny. Seriously, you should start a line. Could be a huge money making opportunity because I'd buy ALL of them :)

Amy Lynn said...

LOL... You should totally do it. Or you can just start a list of "asks" for me to kick :)

Lucas and Amanda Hughes said...

Haha! Those are awesome! My favorite is # 8. I had a couple people who I had never met before touch my belly! I know exactly how you feel! A lot of people these days think its crazy to have to wait till your due date to deliver your baby! That got on my nerves!

Laura and Ryan said...

So perfect! These had me roaring because they are so true!

I'm definitely already tired of the future sibling question. I feel like I get it all the time!