Monday, September 28, 2009

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday, created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog and see what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

This week, I did not ask Jason on the way home from my parents house if we could stop at Kroger for some cookies that I decided that I was craving. Especially since we had Fenway with us in the car. As we pulled into the parking lot, I did not remember that Fenway fit into my fabulous new bag that I posted about here. So I did not that I just had to try this out again and go inside Kroger with my hubby and Fenway. My puppy is a non-shedding dog, so there is definitely no harm right?! I did not look like a shoplifter the entire time we were in Kroger for trying to keep my sweet puppy's face out of sight from any store clerk, just in case there was a problem. I mean, who wouldn't mind a puppy in a grocery store?

We went to the self-checkout, and I certainly still did not still look like a thief while talking to my purse saying things like "Stay down in there!" "Just a few more minutes sweetie." "You can't be showing yourself in here!" Nope! Not me! (Note: No one ever said a word to us about our adorable Furbaby hiding in my bag.)

On Saturday morning, Jason headed off to his Saturday morning job that he loves. I normally spend Saturday mornings cleaning house while he is away and so I can contribute to the workload on the weekends, since he is great enough to keep that Saturday job. However, on this Saturday morning, I did not lay around until 10:30 with the pure joy of taking up the whole bed for once. Of course I wouldn't take a lazy Saturday morning while my hubby worked!

Once I finally rolled out of bed, I did not go straight to the shower, turn on the water, and head to the linen closet to get a towel. I did not turn around to see a HUGE centipede hanging out on my closet door! I am a grown woman, and not terrified of bugs. I did not call my husband after a frantic Raid search.  We were out. I did not ask him to please come home for just a minute to dispose of this multi-legged creature that was too close to my shower door for me to enter. The shower water was not running the entire time. That would be very wasteful of me! Jason definitely did not tell me that WD-40 would work just like Raid and to just try that. I did not take his word for it and spray a massive amount of WD-40 on this bug. Um, thanks for the try honey, but maybe you misunderstood me.  I want this bug dead, not slippery.  WD-40 does NOT (a for real NOT this time) kill bugs.  I did not call my sister immediately after, in hopes that her home a block and a half away had Raid! *Side note: I do not take shoes to kill bugs. That would require me to get entirely too close to these awful things.*

My sister was sadly not at home, but suggested to suck it up with the vacuum hose. I did not plug in the vacuum, attempt to suck up that evil bug. I decided that the vacuum hose also put me way too close to that sucker, and gave that up. Shower was not still running. My sister tells me to get a broom. I put the phone down. I do not scream bloody murder when the broom sent the centipede flying off the door and began to crawl towards me! Whack! Whack! After three tries, that evil centipede is finally dead. I picked up the phone again and my sister was certainly not laughing at me and telling me that her husband could hear me scream with the phone on my counter, and him standing 4 feet away from her. I definitely did not then cover that monster bug with a towel and leave it there until Jason came home to pick it up and flush him. Sigh. What a dramatic morning.


Emily said...

Oh, this was TOO funny!! I love that you snuck Fenway into the store in that bag... totally something I would do just for the heck of it.

And the centipede... yep, that would be me too! I can picture the madness!

Anonymous said...

hahahahaha. oh. my. goodness. so so funny.

Tatiana said...

That's sooo funny!!!
And you sneaking Fenway into the store totally reminds me of the time this lady snuck her puppy in Olive Garden! I was thinking "What in the world is moving in that woman's purse," when this little puppy's head came out! Too funny!

Shannon said...

LOL!!! I looooooooooved that story!!!! One of your best NMMs yet!!! :D I love you!!! And I, too, despise bugs. You sound just like me!!!!! Those centipede thingies run SO FAST. When I had the puke virus last time, while Mark was still away, I was laying on the bathroom floor practically dead. then I saw a centipede thing RUN by on the wall. And inside my head, I was freaking. but I had *no* energy and was dying. It was all I could do to aim the Lysol at the bug that was SPEEDING along and I never could kill it. I sprayed *GOBS* of Lysol on it and it didn't die. I don't even know what happened to it.. but it definitely scarred me.

ok that was like a majorly long story. but it's funny that both of us tried to kill a centipede thingy by spraying a weird spray on them.. NOTHING will kill them! except, of course, massive, traumatic force by a heavy object :]


Laura and Ryan said...

LOL! I love it! I HATE bugs...seriously. They always seem to find us when we are the most vulnerable!