Frustration is a dangerous emotion, because it makes me feel as though I should give up on the things that frustrate me. Unappreciation is the first thing that can make me feel frustrated, which eventually builds to anger, then disappointment, and finally-no emotion at all.
I start to feel frustrated for being unappreciated for the things I do and try to do, and I begin to dwell on them. I think about all the things that I have attempted to do to earn respect and gratitude, and begin to feel angry that they are not always recognized. I've never been one that feels they need constant reassurance or recognition, but I definitely feel that I need it once in a while. After I'm done being angry with the circumstance, I feel disappointed in myself. I wonder why my actions were not good enough to be appreciated, and I begin to feel bad about myself due to someone else's lack of action. I can only take so much. I can only handle so much. Disappointment leads me to a numb feeling because I can only handle it for so long.
I say and do things for others because I genuinely want to, not expecting anything in return but the feeling that I've made someone's day a little bit easier. Sometimes though, I feel that selfishness rise in me and want those individuals to remember these random/small acts of kindness and show me the same. There have been many one-sided situations that are willing to take and take while refusing to give back when necessary. Convenience is often key. Others are willing to give back only if it will benefit or convenience them. This leaves me frustrated.
I pray for patience everyday to get me through my frustrated feelings and to not go on to anger and disappointment. I pray for the wisdom to find an alternative to my frustration, and often can postpone it. Maybe I should start listening to my mother more. She once told me to stop praying for patience, because then God would give me more trials ;).
I know God won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so dang much!