We've had a busy and emotional week. It has been difficult to accept that cruelty and deception sometimes comes out on top. Maybe I'm completely naive, but I have always believed that we would end up with the better outcome as long as we remained ethical and moral. I've felt pretty heartbroken that this wasn't the case.
Thank you all so much for your encouraging words and stories that can relate. They have been extremely helpful to us. While I hate that some of you have gone through similar stories, it is good to know that other people have gotten through what we are going through. It also makes me want to fight the situation harder in other areas. I feel responsible to prevent certain situations in our circumstance from ever happening again. It isn't right. I'm not quite sure what can be done yet, but as soon as I find out, I plan to fight it as far as I can.
There are a lot of aspects to this situation that have caused a world of hurt. I've been doing a job search, but at a pace that was allowing me to look for something that worked perfectly for my family. Something that would keep me with Ethan as much as I possibly could be. We've been thrown into a mad dash of a job hunt, just hoping to find SOMETHING. I'm angry that this weeks event means I may have to accept a job that will require me to leave Ethan way more than we planned/hoped for. We've known that I would have to return to work, but unfortunately that return is no longer on our terms.
I'm angry and upset that there really are people in this world that completely lack loyalty, passion and understanding. I'm upset that people are willing to treat others the way that we have been treated over the past year. I'm even more upset that they have been allowed to get away with it.
Somehow, we have to move forward from it. We've spent the week making phone calls, visits, and e-mails to anyone and everyone that we feel may have some idea of a job that will be available quickly, but still allow me to be with Ethan as much as possible. We're thankful to have some wonderful friends and family that are helping us in the search, and a few that have even given us some very hopeful leads on extremely short notice. We are hoping that something comes up soon.
Until then, we just have to accept the circumstances, and accept what has happened. I truly believe that God will not give us more than what we can handle, but I really do wonder sometimes exactly how much he thinks we can handle. Sometimes I feel He and I aren't on the same wavelength in that aspect, but I accept that He knows better than I do. I know that SOMETHING good is going to come out of all this, but I really wish we could see it now.