Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Trust in Your Heart

“Follow your heart, but be quiet for a while first. Ask questions, then feel the answer. Learn to trust your heart.”

I wish I had found this quote years ago. I have always had issues of trusting others. Many always told me that you should always trust a person until they show that they are untrustworthy. I always viewed it to be the other way around. I have always protected my heart and my feelings from outside sources, for fear of deception. I've had many broken hearts by boys and other friends that resulted in a very careful selection of individuals to see the real me. Many of you have been with me through the journey of learning about true friendships this year, and I'm learning to be ever thankful for the beautiful ones in my life. If only it had always been so easy to trust them.

My gut always seemed right when it told me not to trust someone. Why is it always so difficult to go with your gut? Because I didn't trust it either. I wasn't trusting God to grant me the wisdom to avoid hurtful situations. Learning to trust God to put me where I needed to be was always a difficult lesson. Friendships, relationships, jobs, school, etc. require constant trust in God to keep you where you need to be.

Thank goodness for my two best friends you all hear me talk about so much. If they hadn't embraced my weakness for trust, I wouldn't have those two today. I spent so much time pushing them away during our first few years of friendship it is a miracle that we are the friends we are today. They accepted me for who I am, and because of that I have learned who to trust-and who not to.

Trusting God in my male relationships was the hardest thing to do. Jason and I have a very interesting route to our marriage. He and I met while I was dating another guy that I felt very strongly for. Meeting Jason opened up an entirely different world of friendships and experiences that our friendship quickly grew into something more. I found it very difficult to trust the instinct of a much healthier relationship, and actually reconsidered my decision with my previous boyfriend shortly after Jason and I began dating. We split ways, but remained close friends. The next few months were extremely confusing and difficult, and I finally had no choice but to give in and trust God to show me where I needed to be. Were either of these men for me to marry? Should I walk in a completely different direction? It wasn't long after I chose to completely give up all control in that situation when my eyes were opened-just in time for Christmas.

During this confusing time, I knew that I still wanted to do something small and special for Jason, even if we were only friends. I chose to find a vinyl album to add to his collection, but left it in his vehicle while working one day. That very night, I was supposed to have dinner and celebrate Christmas with the other corner to my confusing triangle. That evening, I received a hat from his favorite baseball team, and a sweatshirt from his college (that I did not attend). I was so upset, but tried not to show it. It wasn't the gift. It was the knowledge that he put zero thought into this time together, and I was very hurt by it. A few days later, after the English class Jason and I shared that semester, he gave me a small Christmas gift: two beautiful ballerina Christmas ornaments to go with my collection that my mother had so lovingly worked on creating over the years. It was that very moment that I knew exactly where I wanted to be, and who God wanted me to marry.

Learning that level of trust has given me so many opportunities to know when I should and should not trust others. It is still a very difficult task for me with new friendships, but I feel that I am still learning. I have learned to keep God right in my heart where he belongs, and to trust my heart when it tells me something. "God will never deny you of a blessing, only to give you something better."

7 comments:

Brittney said...

My immediate first thought when I began reading was:

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."
Proverbs 4:23

It was very neat to read this post, I enjoy hearing how married couples met. I especially love when those couples are brought together by the Lord and they are aware of it. If that makes sense. :)

Thanks for sharing!

Rachel said...

I need help with this too, what a good verse and story!

Jess said...

That is such an awesome story!

I pray that God shows me the man I'm meant to marry, as clearly as He showed you. I also pray that I'm undistracted enough to recognize it.

Thanks for sharing. I need to memorize that quote, lol.

Kelsey @ Seattle Smith's said...

This is a great quote!!! Maybe I need to be more quiet and let the Lord talk more to me!

Emily said...

I struggle with trust too, and this was exactly what I needed to read!

The story of how you and your hubby came to be is awesome. I think it's a perfect example of God knowing where he wants to lead us even if we don't yet understand!

Jax said...

This is a great blog, girl. I love the quote.. and love the end quote as well... I, too had trust issues... and someone once told me "By not letting yourself open up b/c of something in your past, you're giving that person in your past who hurt you way too much credit..." For some reason, it stuck and I made every effort to stop the lack of trust/shutting people out... I love the story about the Christmas gift... What an eye opening moment.. This makes me think you and Jason are even more adorable than I already did... :)

Laura and Ryan said...

What a great story! I have trust issues too sometimes, but I've learned I can't shut everyone out. Thanks for the great post!