Friday, January 13, 2012


I'm such a slacker lately, and I feel awful about it.  I don't think there is any aspect of my life that isn't in autopilot.  Insert Mom/home/wife/work guilt here.

It's been difficult adjusting to part-time work outside the home while trying to maintain a full-time Mom status.  I'm still struggling with acceptance that this IS reality now.  While I got so lucky to be given (literally given-no interview, the job was created FOR me) a job that I already know how to do with a great boss, it's still tugging at my heartstrings.

I feel like that our mornings at home together aren't the level of quality time I want to give him.  Most of it is spent preparing for the afternoon, and not playing or snuggling or exploring.  I drop him off feeling like I've accomplished nothing and haven't spent a moment of "good" time with him.  It's hard. I'm a Mom slacker.

I want so badly to soak up what little quality time I do have in the mornings with Ethan, my house has totally become a hazard area.  Jason has been wonderful with helping me keep it maintained, but he works all day too, and I feel like I should at least be doing a LITTLE more since I'm not away from home 40+ hours a week.  At this point, I'm not.  I'm a total laundry slacker, a cleaning slacker, and even a cooking slacker.

While we still communicate throughout the day, and spend time together in the evening, I'm absolutely slacking on spending time with my husband.  We may be in the same room together, but it's totally not what it should be.  My poor husband has been neglected for days while I try to catch up on every other aspect of my life.  However, maybe I shouldn't even admit that.  There has been so much football on in my house, I'm not quite sure he's even noticed that he's being neglected. Our moments of "hanging out" have turned from hilarious banter to room sharing "me" time.  I'm a wife slacker.

My new boss wants me to decorate my new office.  He wants to see pictures of my family and things that can make my space my own.  While I love how welcoming he is being, I don't want to decorate it.  I feel like decorating my office is the final acceptance that this isn't a temporary situation.  I don't want to really create my own little "home" at work because it just isn't where I want to be.  I don't want to have to put up pictures of my little boy at my office to see his smiling face.  I just want to be around his smiling face.  I felt like those bare walls made my time in the office more "temporary" and less like a new part of my life.  I'm a total work slacker.

I feel like I roll two full days up into one.  I'm trying to fit in a full day at home with Ethan before noon, spend the rest of the day at work, and come home to attempt to finish what didn't get finished before I left.  Seriously, I'm exhausted and I have no idea why.  I'm not a full-time employee outside the home like so many of you are, so why can't I seem to get it together? I have no idea, but today I'm totally admitting that I'm a slacker.  Am I completely on an island here, or are any of you slacking in any areas of your own lives?

1 comment:

Erika said...

I hope things are getting easier sweetie. I so know what you mean about being there at home, but not really being there. It's hard. This working/mama/wife stuff is no joke.