Thursday, May 5, 2011

A Night When I Can't Blame My Insomnia on the Baby

I'm not a cat fan.  Mostly because I'm allergic, but I have a few other reasons as well.  I can be in the same room as a cat without problem, but as soon as that stinker jumps into my lap, it's over.  My eyes swell shut, my nose starts to run, it's quite beautiful.  So I'm just really not into cats.  I'm definitely 100% a dog person.

I'm also not a fan of not sleeping well due to pregnancy.  I get up to pee ALL the time, which seems to be getting worse, it is difficult to get comfortable, you get the idea.  For the past few days, my sleep has been complete crap.  I was really looking forward to a good nights sleep last night.

Cue 10pm.  Jason and I, being the old fogies that we are, climbed into bed to watch Conan, and start to doze.  5 minutes later, we hear this HORRIBLE noise.  I ask Jason if it was just me or if the noise was real.  He turned the volume down on the television, and it was indeed, real.  We listen.

A few minutes go by, and he says it sounds like a cat in heat that has made its way to our backyard.  Fabulous.  Finally, the cat shuts up.

10 minutes later, it starts back up again, worse than ever.  Jason decides that he wants to see what this stupid cat looks like and "shoo" it away.  He jumps out of bed, proceeding to make Fenway go INSANE and bark for the next half hour, and runs outside.  He discovers that the cat was actually, well, copulating with two other cats.

He comes back and says: "GROSS! There's THREE of them back there! It's like a cat threesome in our backyard!"  Gag.

He says he's going to go "take care of it."  I'm sure the look on my face wondering exactly what he meant by "taking care of it" was lovely.  He quickly tells me that he's going to "shoo" them away with a broom.  Only he didn't feel like hunting down our old school broom and goes charging out the door (in a sweatshirt and boxers, no lie) with a freaking SWIFFER.  Yeah honey, that'll teach them.  A few minutes later he comes back and tells me they are gone, but one took off towards the front yard, so who knows if they will reunite to finish their kinky rendezvous.

Cats are not welcome in my backyard.  Multiple cats to engage in activities that cause THAT kind of a noise are even less welcome in my backyard.  My backyard is not a breeding zone, nor is it a location for a red light special.

They better find a new backyard tonight.  Or our Swiffer will get you.

4 comments:

Erika and Jason said...

Oh my, SO funny! We have a ton a feral cats in our apartment complex because our neighbor feeds them. I think it must the the time of year where they are all in heat...we hear it too...but haven't seen a threesome yet:-) Good luck getting some sleep. Baby girl kept me up with her gymnastics last night. Which is a good thing she's moving about, but man, it's hard to sleep!

Brittney said...

Hahahaha. Ohhhh man, what a night! And PS: don't feel bad about your 10 PM bedtime. We're in bed by 9 most nights!! :)

katie + bret said...

those cats better watch out! Paige is on the loose!! ;)

I've missed you pretty lady! xx

Lisa said...

No Meowing at your house!!! LOL