Many have already heard me vent about this, and if you have, I'm sorry. Feel free to skip this blog. Others haven't, but this blog is really for me to really process my thoughts, and to finally understand what I'm feeling. I always feel like I explain myself better in writing rather than to be verbal. Although I have tried to be verbal about it.
Why is it that big things have to happen before my eyes are opened? Why is it during monumental parts of my life do I really see things that have been there all along? Who knows.
I have learned to appreciate my dearest friends and family so much more. It's times like these, such as graduations, weddings, births, new jobs, etc. that I am always reminded of who is ALWAYS going to be there for me. However, I'm always surprised. It's rarely ever who I expect it to be. But I'm pleasantly surprised, and truly touched by those that I never would have expected to be there just to listen, or to jump in without me ever saying a word. It IS always odd though, when those that you would expect to be around for these monumental things don't end up being there. It's such a bittersweet feeling. To feel so lucky to have the ones you always knew you had, to have the ones you never knew you really had, but to realize you don't have ones that you thought you had. And I'm not just speaking from personal experience tonight, but also from watching others go through the exact same thing during different milestones in their life experience these same bittersweet feelings.
Although my wedding planning experience has been very turbulent with these bittersweet feelings, I can't be happier than I am right now. I'm finally less than 1 month from being married to the most wonderful man on the face of this earth. 25 more days people!! We met with our officiant today, made a definitive decision to write our own vows, and even got our marriage license today!! Getting our marriage license was really cool and surreal at the same time. This is REAL. I'm getting married. And yes, I've had well over a year to accept this, but I think it's actually finally hitting me. I'm happy and I'm sad. I can't wait to be married to Jason, but I'm also afraid of the unknown, and sad that my time in my house with my own room with my parents is about to change. They'll read this and probably be surprised that I am actually sadder about that than they think.
We've laughed over these past few days that I'm marrying someone just like my Daddy. He has such a huge heart, and wants to give to everyone that he possibly can. But we've laughed about their same rituals and habits when it comes to watching sports. From flipping between two channels to watch two games, and then watching every bit of the ESPN highlights (why? who knows, they just saw the whole game). And I HAD to crack up when I came to our house tonight. My Dad is the world's best at taking the trash out, and the world's worst about putting a new bag in the trash can after he's taken it out. I can't tell you how many times my mom and I go to throw multiple things away, hands full, only to realize there is no bag in the trash can. I came home, began making dinner, and had a few things in my hands to throw away. I walk across to the kitchen, and my future husband has done the EXACT SAME THING! He's taken the trash out, and forgotten to put in a new bag. He used the excuse that he forgot because he was anxious to come to my parents house and see me, but I see a pattern beginning. It was a GREAT laugh. But I love my Daddy, and think he's a wonderful man. So if I'm marrying someone that has some of his characteristics, I feel like I'm one of the lucky ones.
All right guys, sorry to make your eyes bleed with everything going on in my head tonight, but thanks for making it all the way through if you did!! And like I said, anyone with words of wisdom would be MUCH appreciated right now!