Monday, October 29, 2012

My True Success

Besides Ethan, if there is one thing I am proud of, it's my marriage.

Friday evening, my husband and I had a date.  One that didn't include Ethan, just the two of us.  I'm almost embarrassed to admit that this is only our third time out together since he was born 16 months ago.  We had one dinner date shortly after his arrival, we attended a beautiful wedding in June, and then Friday evening.  Oops?

We met at home after work on Friday (Ethan was already with my parents) and got ready for our date.  We headed to a beautiful little restaurant on our town's square that holds very few people, is super quiet, and extremely not child friendly.  We talked about our jobs, our hopes for future babies, our desire for Jason's evolving career, and the possibility of creating his own business in freelance work.  We had a few sweet moments, a fantastic dinner, and a couple hours of quiet.

We were at my parents house to pick up Ethan by 7:15, home with him by 8.  Even they made fun of us for showing up so early.

Are we total losers?  Do we just not have the ability to paint the town red anymore?  Have we lost the spark that once kept us up talking until the wee hours of the morning?  No, far from it.

You see, I like my husband, which apparently most people we encounter are constantly surprised by.  We are the best of friends.  So while we rarely ever get out together without our sweet little love, I don't feel deprived of time with my husband.  It's the one thing that I don't feel is a struggle. 

Ethan is usually in bed by 8 (at the latest) and the rest of the evening is ours.  Sometimes we work on our own projects, but often we curl up together in front of the television, we play a game, or we wait to have our dinner until then.  We don't have to leave the house to have a date.  We are constantly dating one another.  He holds my hand in the grocery store, we watch our favorite shows together, we giggle like teenagers about things that aren't even funny.

On the evenings that we work on our own projects or spend time apart with other friends, we can always count on our pillow talk.  Seriously, it's almost nauseating for me to tell you about.  There is nothing that I can keep as a secret from him (sometimes a curse when it comes to wanting to surprise him) and vice versa.  He knows without saying when I'm worried, and he makes the most ridiculous jokes that I can't even deal sometimes.  No matter how stupid they are, I end up laughing because he finds himself so funny.  He's really not that funny, I swear, but it amuses me that he thinks he is. So in a weird way, I guess maybe he is.  Great.  I just talked in a full circle.  Are you still there?

Every weekend is our time.  We hang around the house, take Ethan to the park, run errands, everything normal.  So normal, in fact, that I often wonder about what to blog about.  He is my priority, and our other friends are the icing on the cake.  We enjoy each other, we want to be around each other, we make time to spend.  Life doesn't come before marriage.  Life doesn't come before children.  Marriage and children make our life.

It's the little things that keep each other at the forefront of our minds.  Like getting up a few minutes early to download the new Taylor Swift album on the day of release (which, by the way, I love) so I wouldn't have to wait all day to hear it.  Or taking a few minutes to re-draft a cover letter because he hasn't the slightest idea how to use a comma.  It comes easy for us, and there is only one reason why.

We don't compare ourselves to others.

What works for our relationship certainly won't work in every relationship, or maybe any other relationship.  What comes easy for us doesn't come easy for others.  What we struggle with are things that are no-brainers to others.  We don't worry about it.  I don't worry that someone else's husband loves his wife more than Jason loves me.  He's not worried that someone else's wife actually knows how to make breakfast that isn't a Pop-Tart.  It isn't a contest.  I'm not more in love with Jason than any of you are in love with your spouses.  I'm not more of the one for him than any of you are for your husbands.  We aren't more meant for each other than anyone else.  And no one else is more right for each other than we are.  We don't worry about that.  We do what works for us, and we love each other unconditionally.

Are the ways that we show our love weird?  Absolutely.  It works for us.  It's our easy way.  I still like to impress him.  I love that I can be in a ratty t-shirt and it not matter.  I like to do something extra to make him smile at work.  I like that I can't hold back the truth on how I feel about something from him.  I enjoy that he can tell me that my outfit is completely not working.  I want him to be the forefront of my mind when it comes to our relationship.  We focus so much on each others needs that our own needs in turn become fulfilled.  And for us?  That comes easy.

So when I say that our fun date last night wasn't "so needed" or "refreshing," it's because we don't wait for a night out to make that happen.  It just happened to be one more lovely evening that I got to be with the only one I would ever want to share my life with.


Lucy Marie said...

I like this. A whole lot.

Erika said...

You are so sweet. I want to be like you. We need our date I need beer. We need to get out of town and away from S. Maybe it's just because of some other things we have to deal with - like Jason going to bed at 7 because he gets up at 3am...but regardless. This puts relationships into perspective. So thank you:-)

Lydia & Riley Jane's Mom said...

That is beautifully written. I love how you both take time to enjoy quiet moments and are so content...that is the sign of a strong marriage!