The Brightest Firefly in My Jar

Jason and I were married three years ago today.  It's always fun to look back on our wedding day.  We smile about how excited we felt, we talk about how ridiculous our wedding party acted, we laugh about the things that didn't go perfectly, and remember the chaos of a day that has been captured with some beautiful photos.  We always remember that the day was completely successful because our goal was acheived: we became a family.  The beauty in that simple fact easily overshadowed all the stress and turmoil that led up to that afternoon.

As a gift this year, Jason presented me with a beautiful green amethyst ring.   Green has always been a significant color to our relationship, so this is an incredibly sweet reminder of our time together before we were married.

Jason has always been one to look for signals and signs to show him that particular paths are right for him.  It has always stood out to him to see a certain shade of green (usually in light coming from a firefly) during those struggles that gave him comfort knowing he was making the right choices.  When we began dating, he told me this story, and how he felt that was God's way of showing him it was time to make big moves in his life.  He said it was always strange that he would find a firefly glowing during these particular times, even if it was during a season when you didn't find many of them.

When he and I met, he told me months later that he noticed that shade of green showing up everywhere in his daily activities, usually right after we spent time together.  He told me he has always felt that was God's way of showing him that he and I were supposed to be married.  I told him he was silly, and that seeing an abundance of fireflies in the middle of June was no rare occurance. 

That fall, we split up for a few months.  After I came to my senses, he told me that he never worried that our relationship was over during our break-up.  I found it completely arrogant of him, but he told me that he found a firefly at least once a week during the months of October and November.  He told me he knew it was God's way of continuing to tell him that we were supposed to be together, but to be patient, because I needed to figure that out for myself as well.  It was an incredibly sweet story, especially since it had so much meaning to him during those months.  Jason has tried to subtley continue to use the color in small gifts to me throughout the years as a reminder that we will always be together, and this year it was this beautiful gemstone.

Happy Anniversary, my love! You are still the brightest firefly in my jar.

11 Months

My Little Love,

You are ELEVEN months old today.  I cannot believe you are as big as this.  I still feel like you are my brand new baby, my sweet tiny newborn.  You are still such a sweet cuddle buddy that I can't fathom that we are going to be celebrating your BIRTHDAY in only a month.  How is it that you have so quickly turned from my baby into my little boy?

                                           

You weigh about 21.5 pounds and are in size 3 diapers.  You are still my champion eater and still so tiny. You are in size 3 diapers, 12 month clothing, and are getting taller by the day.  You LOVE trying new things, exploring and investigating, and discovering how things work.

One of your most recent discoveries is the steering wheel.  While the car was completely OFF, we decided to let you take a stab at how it felt behind the wheel.  We also let you take a spin in a kid-size car, and I can't help but feel my heart overflow and realize how quickly it will be that we will be teaching you to drive for real.

One of my favorite sights is to watch you sleep.  You are so sweet, so peaceful, no matter where you fall asleep.

One of my favorite features about you is your hair! I love how much it curls!

You are starting to enjoy your juice in your sippy cup more and more.  I never thought you would transition to a cup, but the trick was just finding you one with a straw.  You LOVE Cran-Grape juice.

                                     

It's already a really hot summer, and Granny has been putting you in her kiddie pool a lot.  It's always a sure-fire way to keep you happy.

You are getting extremely close to walking, but you aren't quite brave enough to try it without anything nearby for you to slightly touch.  Sometimes you walk around a room, slightly skimming the wall for support, but you won't put that hand down.  It's coming soon, and I'm afraid you will take off running with your first steps.

You are getting better about riding in the cart, but sometimes we have to put "friends" in there for you so that you don't get lonely.

You have so many facial expressions, and they make us laugh all the time.  Of course, our favorite expression of yours is your smile.  We went on an outdoor adventure a few days ago, and you LOVED getting covered in dirt, mud, and grass.  It was so cute to see my little boy covered in grass stains, because I know one of these days I will be cursing those grass stains on your brand new outfit.

I still think you may be part dog. ;)

You are such a fun addition to our family.  I love that you are talking so much now.  Your vocabulary is quickly growing, and you say: Mama, Dada, Dog, Uh-oh, and "Ha" (for Granny's dog Hoss).  Fenway is still your best friend, although he is starting to frustrate you a little that he doesn't like being pulled up on. You are growing way too fast for me.  I need you to stay my baby for a little while longer.  I love watching you grow, and I know I will always see you as my baby boy, but can you please just STAY my baby for a little longer?

I love you,

Mommy

The Greatest Little Gift

Tonight, my husband rocked our sweet boy to sleep, as he almost always does.  It's their time together, it's one of the few times that Ethan prefers his Daddy over his Mommy.

As Ethan started to doze and drift off to his *hopeful* full night of sleep, I walked past my boys and saw Ethan was curled up on Jason's chest, making the recliner ooze with sweetness.    I knelt down in front of the recliner, laid my head next to Ethan's and wrapped the both of them up in a hug.

While almost sound asleep, Ethan found my fingers within seconds, grabbed on and squeezed tightly.  He held on as he started to snore and let us know that he was in deep enough of a sleep to be laid down for the evening.

It was those few moments that made this Mother's Day truly special.  His adorable handprint on a flower that his Granny helped him make, and the sweet pictures he posed for to say "I love you Mommy" are wonderful little keepsakes that I'll treasure forever, but those moments that he lets me know that he loves me even in his sleep are the most special gifts his little heart could ever give.  Those little moments are the ones that make me remember how thankful I am that I get to be his Mommy and that fact alone is what made it a beautiful Mother's Day.

Singing Sweet Home Alabama All Summer Long...

It was only a few days before she passed away that Bonnie gave me one last huge belly laugh.  A group of us had decided to be totally nerdy and play along with the Cranium daily calendar via e-mail.  Somehow I ended up being the moderator this year, so I sent out the trivia question, regarding the size of major landmarks.  I remember that the options included the Washington Monument, The Space Needle, The Empire State Building, and the Cincinnati Arch.  While I can't remember the question exactly (it was regarding the weight of the landmarks), I do remember that the answer was the Washington Monument.

Bonnie answered incorrectly that day, and I responded her her e-mail by telling her the correct answer.  The silly woman e-mailed back with, "I should have known that the Washington Monument was the answer-all of those heads on one rock have to weigh a ton!"  I had to re-read her response about three times before I realized that Bonnie had confused the Washington Monument with Mount Rushmore.

****

When I wrote a previous post remembering Bonnie, I told you that she was as country as they come.  I wasn't kidding.  When we still worked together, I would leave my office from time to time to stretch my legs and rest my brain.  I walked into her office and she said, "Whatcha need honey?"  I responded to her with: "Oh nothing, just wandering."  She looked at me, waiting for me to go on.  When I didn't, she finally said, "About what?"  Again, it took me several minutes before I realized that I had to explain to her that "wandering" and "wondering" meant two different things to most people.

****

Bonnie was definitely a go big or go home type woman.  When she reunited with her true love from the past (and remarried him) she spent every hour of her time outside of work with him.  She spent so much time with him that she was getting no sleep at all, except the sleep she was getting at her desk.  Her first offense resulted in a prank of setting an alarm off right by her head, only to watch her jump up a mile and fall out of her chair.

Her second offense was a little less startling, when our boss sat outside her office window and stared at her until she finally woke up.  She woke up, rubbed her eyes, noticed she had an audience, and immediately began to giggle.  There was no apology, no reprimand from our boss, no need for an explanation.  She just laughed at herself, shrugged her shoulders, and went on about her day.  Bonnie was never afraid to just accept the silly things she did and laugh at herself for them.  That quality made it so much fun to join in laughing at her.  She loved it when we laughed at her.  It was refreshing to be around someone who never took herself too seriously.

****

No doubt the woman loved her country music, as do most of us in Kentucky (shocker, huh?).  One song that she LOVED that I absolutely hated was Kid Rock's "All Summer Long."  Our Kentucky radio stations played the song what seemed like every hour on the hour.  Bonnie loved it so much that she would turn it on full blast every time, and even created a ringtone on her phone to play her favorite part of "tryin' different things, we were smokin' funny things..." and sing as loud as she could.  It drove me insane.  Not only did I hate that song, but my favorite co-worker blasted it out of her office nonstop for months.  

That stupid song came on the radio in my car for the first time since she died last week.  Now not only is it completely impossible for me to change the station, but I felt like I had to listen to it as loud as it would go, hoping maybe she was rocking out in heaven on her air guitar, talking about smokin' funny things.

Today would be Bonnie's birthday, meaning her boss would buy her lunch, and she would probably pick Mexican food like she always did.  We asked her if she always picked her favorite Mexican restaurant on her birthday as an early "Cinco de Mayo" celebration, and she would always say "Well sure! When is Cinco de Mayo anyway?"

Happy Birthday Bonnie Mae.