Bitter

‎"Here's how I see it. It took all I've been through to make me who I am today and to teach me what I know. I choose to be better, not bitter. I trust the faithfulness of God more than ever. If faith doesn't move the mountain, it will give me the strength to endure tomorrow. And if it's not gone by tomorrow, I'll still believe that God is able, and trust him until he acts."

Today I'm just plain bitter.  I'm angry.  Today the enemy won because I totally let them ruin my day.  I let them get to me and make me angry.  I allowed myself to forget the lessons I have learned over the past year and feel angry instead of thankful.  I've tried so hard to understand God's plan for everything in these past few months, but today I just don't get it.  And that makes me angry.  I do still believe that God is able, and I do know that he will act in his time, not mine.  Somehow, that's not helping my bitterness today.

I have a difficult time understanding blatant lies about others to get ahead.  I have a difficult time understanding only face value of morals and values.  I don't understand how any human being could do and say cruel things to make another person suffer or hurt.  I refuse to be bullied and I refuse to be manipulated into any situation that I am not comfortable with.  I have nothing to prove, I'm not afraid of an end result because I know that truth will easily be visible.  I may be unafraid, but I am angry.

It bothers me that I even let people that choose to stoop to that level get to me.  I should never let someone like that get the best of me, but sometimes I manage to slip and they succeed.  Sometimes I let spite slip into my heart quickly and am tempted to stoop to their level as well.  I have to remember that I choose to be BETTER, not bitter.  But today I still just feel plain bitter.