Real Men Wear Pink...

...to Support Breast Cancer Awareness!

And this man says to get your mammograms!  Early detection saved his Granny's life!

Birthday Part 2

Jason and Ethan started my birthday out with apple cinnamon muffins for breakfast and the sweetest card ever.  Apparently the evening I left my son with his Daddy so that I could shop a huge consignment sale began some secret birthday planning.  I was really disappointed that the hospital didn't give me a copy of Ethan's handprints and feetprints, so Jason decided "better late than never."

Best. Card. EVER.

After church, we met up with my sister, brother-in-law and Riley to take them to the local apple orchard.  I have been so excited about taking Ethan for some fall pictures!  There are SO many fall activities for the kids, Riley loves our trips.

Little diva in her sunglasses.  She refused to take them off.

The wind was a little chilly, so we had to sport the hood for most of the afternoon.

The "Cider Slider."  Riley is addicted.  It's a HUGE slide and she thinks it's the greatest thing ever.

Look how she's grown!

We decided to give Ethan his "base" measurement for next year. :)

Watching Riley "drive a tractor" (no, not really, but play on a set that looks like a big tractor) and feeding E man.

Love these boys.

Sisters

With our sweet Momma.

Taking some pictures with Riley while she was still ok with a photo shoot.

With our Dad, and Riley/Ethan's Pappy

Miniature bench=a billion pictures

Riley wanted to sit next to him, but wasn't too into smiling for the camera anymore.

Cousin Love

Someone was getting tired of our photo shoot, but bless his heart, we were so far from done at this point.

Jason took my FAVORITE shots of the day when we decided to prop Ethan up in the middle of a bajillion (ok, maybe like 40) pumpkins.

Such sweet, innocent little eyes.

FAVORITE.  I love his face!

We had such beautiful weather and such a fantastic, fall day!

Birthday Celebration! Part 1

I turned 25 on Sunday!  My parents decided to grill out for lunch on Saturday to celebrate, and surprised me with everyone showing up! My sister and her husband with sweet Riley, and even my best friend of 10 years, Ally, came in! Ally's birthday is September 21, and her sister's birthday is October 3, so they had both come back into town to celebrate their own birthdays with her family.  Even with a packed weekend of family, she was able to come by for a couple of hours.  I was so thrilled! I love it when she's back in town!

Prepare for picture overload...

Riley picked out a princess crown for the both of us so we could be princesses this weekend.  She even picked out some beautiful flowers for me.  She helped read my birthday cards to me.  According to her, they were all from "Jake" (I think she's referring to a D!sney Channel character) and they all said "I love you Paige and I love Riley too.  From Jake." Ha!

Ethan, just chillin'

Love a good visit from her!

Ethan is pretty obsessed with her.  She is his very first love.  We just can't tell her boyfriend that there is a love affair going on. ;)

I'm biased, but really?! How cute is this face?

He's a little attached to his Momma.

Sisters

My sweet little family.  I love my men!

I swear, I hope I look half as good as my Momma does.

Greatest Dad ever.

I had such a fun afternoon! I love it when my whole family gets together just to hang out, and birthdays are always a great excuse for that!  I was lucky enough that they wanted to spend Saturday AND Sunday with me.  I really wanted to take Ethan to the Apple Orchard for the first time on my birthday, so we all headed up there for lots of pictures after church on Sunday.  But more on that tomorrow!

Because I'm Awesome-A Post from Big E

I've been working really hard on my exercises lately, using my rock hard ab muscles to sit up.  Mommy helps me by holding my hands, but I'm REALLY tired of laying down all the time.  Sure, the Bumbo is fun, but I'd rather do it myself.  So today, Mommy decided that maybe she should try letting go of my hands to see what happened.  Ha! I showed her! Check me out!

We tried again a few times and my balance is still a little inconsistent, but check me out! I'm sitting up all by myself for the very first time on this beautiful Friday morning!

-Ethan

3 Months

My sweet "Stinky" boy,

Today marks your 3 month birthday!  Already?? Wow! I can't believe it has already been 3 months, it feels like you were just inside my belly.  I'm also having a very hard time remembering life before you.  You are my WHOLE world, and I'm so happy that my world now has such a sweet face.

                                                    

Seriously, how hilarious is this face? He was obviously over the photo shoot.

You weigh about 12.6 pounds and are growing like a weed! We are still going strong with breastfeeding (via bottle) at about 7 ounces every 6 hours.  You are a BIG eater, but we are still doing what we can to avoid formula.  So far, it is working well.  I hope it continues.

You started sleeping extremely well over the past few weeks.  Most nights, you go to bed about 7:30 and sleep until 7 the next morning! We occasionally have a night that you want to be rocked back to sleep in the middle of the night, but that is rarely difficult to do.  

One of your biggest achievements this month is that you rolled over at 11 weeks!  We were so excited and proud, but had no idea that would interfere with your great naps.  Apparently nap time now means "practice rolling over time" instead.  We finally caught you rolling over on video, even though you seem a bit annoyed in the video.  Daddy and I were rolling you BACK over to your belly in attempt to catch it on video.  You were not amused.  Sorry about that. ;)

Your Seahorse is completely your BFF.  You love to watch him glow and play music as you fall asleep, and we even caught you snuggled up to him once!  Other times we find you far away from him so that you can keep an eye on his glowing belly.  (Please see disclaimer in previous posts about Ethan's sleeping positions.)

                                       

                                                                                        
The outfit your Granny bought the day we discovered you were going to enter our lives finally fits! We intended to bring you home in it, but it was WAY too big, and 3 months later, we can take a few pictures. :)

This month, you attended your first baseball game...

...STILL love your bathtime...

...starting to understand cause and effect (such as pulling on your car seat toy)...

...teethe (Sophie is becoming just as good of a friend as Mr. Seahorse)...

...play with Daddy's old raccoon toy...

...Support the GREATEST team ever (Go Cards!)

...work on your GQ cover...

...and snuggle your cousin Riley.  You are really starting to interact with Riley, which is thrilling her to deal.  Unfortunately you aren't talking quickly enough for her, but I know that she is enjoying watching you grow anyway.  She loves you very much, and really likes that you are cooing for her.
                                                 




You seriously hate the car.  You can be the happiest baby around and if we place you in the car, you scream bloody murder.  You will scream until the car stops and someone gets you out.  Then you resume to being your happy self all over again.  I hate to hear you so upset, but I can't help but laugh when you do it.  I never want to make you angry, but son, you HAVE to ride in the car sometimes.  It's going to be a way of life for you.

You are nothing but joy in our lives.  We are often questioned about our stress level with a new baby, and we can honestly tell them that YOU are the only thing that doesn't stress us out in our lives right now.  I know people don't believe us when we say that, but it's true.  After what we went through to bring you home with us, we are still so thankful for your high-pitched, red faced scream.  In moments of intensity, it has been so easy for us to remember that we almost didn't make it to this point.  As hard as it is to watch you hurt from your teeth, or cry for being gassy, or fuss from being overtired, we never feel overwhelmed or stressed.  Because we know.  We know that we are so very lucky to be getting to hear that sweet (and shrill) sound.  Not everyone in this world is as lucky as we are to have something so wonderful in our lives, and we remember every single day how blessed we are.  Our perspective of your moments, good or bad, is to feel completely grateful for those moments.  I feel so relaxed around you, I love being with you.  I love your crooked little smile.  Most importantly, I love you, and I will always love you.

-Mommy

Speechless...

It seems to be a common trend that when difficult things come around, I become speechless on my blog.  I want to use this place as an outlet for these discouraging, bitter feelings that I seem to carry around with me lately, but quickly delete so many drafts out of fear of it biting me in the ass later.

There is so much I would love to share with you all in hopes of your wisdom in areas that I'm limited in, yet I'm rendered speechless.  I'm not sure how to get the point across without just laying it all out there.  I often think about deleting this particular blog and beginning again more anonymously, where I can feel more freedom to openly discuss specific situations.  I also love keeping this particular blog open, because so many friends and family that are at a distance can see what we are up to.

Jason and I have recently taken a huge leap into a difficult situation that neither of us ever wanted to even tip-toe into.  We both feel cheated and frustrated.  I'm still struggling with accepting reality in the facts of other's lies.  I feel like we did everything in our power to prevent these situations. Yet here we are, knee deep in a huge mess that was 100% not our fault.  So why are we the ones that get screwed?

I still feel sometimes that I could have done something different to get a different result, but then I remember.  I didn't ask to get sick.  I didn't ask to have pregnancy complications.  I never would have dreamed what an impact those months would have on us.  I never would have thought that we still feel afraid of recurrence, and how my condition during that time has spilled over into every area of our lives.  God has a reason for it all, but I may never know what.  I may never understand.  Honestly? The thought of never understanding sucks.

We are so lucky and thankful for so many terrific family members that live in town with us.  They are willing to support us and help us during this time. Though we are so glad that we have them, it is difficult to even admit that things suck.  I hate for anyone to know when things get difficult.  I'd much rather be the supporter than the supported.  I enjoy being on the giving end of things rather than the receiving end.  I always know that I have help and support from such a large number of people it's incredible.  But I don't like using it.  I'd rather just be around those people, not need anything, especially when they've already given so much, especially over the past year.  Whether it be time, prayer, a shoulder, whatever-Jason and I have been given so much over the past 11 months.  It's difficult to admit that we are still in a situation that we can't do some things on our own.  It's embarrassing to tell a story that doesn't have a positive ending yet.

Jason and I have always felt the need to prove ourselves to some people. These situations make that extremely difficult, because we know that a spiteful grin is likely around the corner.  That spiteful grin makes our times of struggle so much more difficult.  Unfortunately, it's coming.  We cannot avoid it much longer, no matter how hard we try.

It's definitely a huge blow to our pride to admit how defeated we often feel.  We are parents now.  It's our job to do anything and everything for our child, even if it means swallowing pride to do things we don't want to do.  I understand that, but I don't like it.  I know I don't have to like it, but I'm at a place that I really don't want to accept it either.  I especially don't want to accept it because this one was completely out of my control.  I'm a total control freak.  I like to feel that I have a plan laid out in front of me (I'm hysterical to God, I swear) and can move forward with that plan.  This entire situation was out of my control, and of course drove me batty.  It's still driving me batty.  We have a long way to go with this struggle, and I feel like it is going to get harder before it gets any easier.

Well, how about that? I guess I wasn't so speechless after all.